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Double-edged compliments

So I'm showing a friend all my new clothes from Old Navy and one of the items is a bra and when she sees it she exclaims, "That's as big as my whole face!"

This is new and exciting!

OK, as been mentioned here before, one of my bestest (and my oldest) friend is getting  married. Well, technically, she's already married but they are doing a big shindig do-over in November. And I am an attendant. Because my whole life, this is the only wedding I've ever thought I would be in. And because she is so cool, the attendants get to pick their own dresses; the bride just gave us a palette to work in.

So yesterday, for the first time in my life, I went shopping for a fancy dress. It was my first foray into a bridal shop -- it's kinda weird to have that much white on one side and such a cacophony of colours on the other. Thank god I have Jenna, who was my guide and mentor and fashion consultant, because I seriously could not have done that without her.

At any rate, after a relatively painless, though educational, process, I decided on this:

Allow me to say, with no false modesty, that I truly look AWESOME in it, even though my body type is a far cry from that model's. I even got fancy sparkly jewelry to match.

To make it even more fun, my mommy came up to go dress shopping with us, because as she said, "Hell, I figure this is as close as I will get to shopping for a wedding dress with you." And I told her she was not wrong about that.

So we had much fun lunching and shopping for dresses and hanging out and ordering chinese food and talking and laughing and watching "Supernatural".

All in all, this weekend rocked!

I totally want to bake him some cookies or share some Prozac or something.

NYT article on Maurice Sendak here.

Still, he has the feeling that “I will do something yet that is purely for me but will create for someone in the future that passion that Blake and Keats did in me.”

What he has failed to consider, though, is that he may already have.

And in case you don't recognize that name immediately (and shame on you if you don't), here's a visual to help you.

 

What do you think the universe is trying to tell me here?

This was my morning:

1. Woke up late. [oh crap!]

2. nosebleed for 15 minutes [I'm totally going to exsanguinate right here in my bathroom]

3. stab left eyeball with mascara wand [I have another perfectly good eyeball, that's all I need, right?]

4. train late, platform packed, train packed, everyone damp from the rain [this is my idea of hell. thank god for the floozyPod]

5. train stops on tracks for 20 MINUTES due to car breakdown ahead

6. Oh look! I'm only 2 hours late to work!

 

Feelin' the fraternal love

Please note that I SUCK at texting. The English major in me just cannot give up the spelling and grammar like I should. And yes, I know I'm paying for all those extra characters. I especially like my 3rd message, where I start out with textspeak and then switch over. 

 

Me: My headphones just died so im txting u. Whats up?

 

Freddie: Nt mch. Enjoyn traffic on way home ;-S

 

Me: have serious urge 2 trail headphones out bus window. and also u should get on facebook.

 

Freddie: Nope 2 fcebok. If ppl wnt 2 knw whts goin on in my lfe, thy can cal me

 

Me: but if u jn fcbk I can annoy u on a daily basis! Think how happy that would make me!

 

Freddie: Yeah um pass

 

Me: u haz no luv 4 me

 

Freddie: U just jealous cuz u not Buddhalicious like me

Open letter to America

Today's guest poster is Jenna, with a post-script by Kris. Enjoy! Feel the rage!

Dear America,

Please shut the fuck up and sit the fuck down. I simply don't understand why you would purchase a movie or theater ticket only to spend half the time (and I'm being kind here) bellowing about your boyfriend, voicing your inane predictions concerning the next scene, or speaking aloud your dull-witted analysis of the previous scene. Even more perplexing is the number of times you get up during the show. America, do you need to start wearing Depends anywhere you go? Or more than likely, you just need your cell phone taken away because you clearly don't understand what real communication is. Discussing what shirt you have on is not a good enough reason to pick up your cell phone while someone I paid good money to see is on stage. In fact, unless you are a brain surgeon who is on call only because the brain surgeon who was supposed to be on call is actually performing brain surgery on her own mother, you don't need to even turn on your cell phone. Oh, and I should really clear this up now: Your text messaging is just as annoying. Has it never occurred to you that your cell phone screen, in a darkened theater, has the same luminosity as a star going supernova? Think moth and flame here. It's almost impossible to concentrate on the movie, the play, or the band while you text away with your terribly poor grammar and nonexistent punctuation and capitalization.

So America, I implore you. Please consider those of us around you who work very hard all week and look forward to a night out without being harassed by the great unwashed. Please do your best to be polite and try ... just from time to time ... to imagine that you are not the only person in the universe and therefore entitled to do or say  whatever you want to whenever you feel like it. If you can't do that, please stay the fuck home.

Sincerely,
A Concerned Citizen

Here, here! I would suggest only one revision: the addition of "North" before the word "America" in your letter. We wouldn't want to leave out the vast number of offending fuckwits in Canada who have chosen to make the cinema, theatre and concert venue an extension of their living rooms.

Oh, and, North America? While you're at it, consider following highway rules (except those of the UK, Australia, India and other select former British colonies) with respect to speed and stasis everywhere you go, but especially on sidewalks and escalators: walk left, stand right. (And, by the way, if escalators were meant to haul your lazy asses to the next floor without your lifting a foot, they would not have been designed as steps; they'd be elevators.) Oh, and if you walk out of a store onto a pedestrian thoroughfare -- heck, even if you're already on a pedestrian thoroughfare -- don't suddenly stop, because others on the pedestrian "highway" are moving, you fucking idiot. You're obviously into your own self-preservation in every other way, so why would you do this? Your general obliviousness to the presence of others is, once again, no excuse. Other people exist around you. In fact, I pronounce the right for all such people to ram into you, knock your shopping bags out of your hands, or run you right-the-fuck-over.

In solidarity with Concerned Citizen,
Another Concerned Citizen